StillSearching4Faith

At first I was a little unsure of whether or not to post this here, but it's not like I actually know anybody on this site, and i need to write this down...so here goes. All through high school I fought who I was, or who I thought I was.  Whether I was fighting to be someone else, or simply running away from what I thought of myself I'm still not sure of, possibly both, but that's not really the point.  I'm in college now, have been for going on two years now.  I thought that I'd found a way to be happy with who I was, but apparently I was wrong. I love my friends, and they are so much more than just friends.  They're my family, my support,

10 years ago on a tuesday morning, I sat at home on the couch sick with my mom who'd stayed home from work that day to take care of me.  As I sat there and watched the disney channel that mornig, my mom got a worrying call from my grandfather.  Something wasn't right in New York, but grandma and him were safe.  We should go to the news channel. Mom took the remote, causeing a moment of extreme disaproval from myself, until I saw what she changed it to.  There on tv was a sight that at nine years old, I couldn't begin to comprehend.  There was a plane that had just flown into one of the tall buildings in the city.  There was smoke billowing ou

Ya know, I try.  I try really hard to be all that you want me to be, which just happens to be all I can't be.  I can't be a perfect daughter, hell I can't really even be a good daughter apparently,  and for that I apologize.  I apologize for my crippling depression that has haunted me for over five years now.  I apologize that I can't put on a happy face every day and pretend that nothing is wrong.  I've tried really hard to push down the constant thoughts of despair and longing and loneliness that have placed their noose around my heart, all so that you can be happier, and maybe even one day, a little proud of your own flesh and blood.  The